WRRL: Two Castles Race Report

This one starts in a village hall in Dunchurch at 1300, the day before the race. We are in the midst of 4 screaming 4 month old babies, 2 hours into a ‘renuion’ and as the new parents begin to depart someone mentions going over the road ‘for one’. Five hours later and the Two Castles is not looking quite so appealing for McCarthy. The sense of excitement amongst the new fathers at being allowed to go to the pub, together, again…was too much to handle. The beer flows and the plan to march on ‘Tommee Tippee towers’ gains momentum, the Dad’s are bitter and angry at the continuous shite they have to buy from this corporate monster only to use it once then see it sit on the kitchen work surface for months. The mob begin to chant songs of hate, ‘Bumbo, Babybjorn, unnecessary sterilisation equipment, Moses baskets, Caboo carriers, Dr Brown bottles, confusing variation in teat sizes, may you all burn in hell’….

Simkiss was out of this one. Unavailable for comment but with exclusive access to what he probably may have said, we can reveal that late last week, having been omitted from yet another ‘Runner of the Month’ award, he smashed up his garden shed and beheaded one of his daffodil plants. He probably may have possibly declared the race a ‘fun run’ and having recently resigned from the committee, rumours of a bust up between Simkiss and new Vice Captain Marc Curtis were circling amongst the portaloo queue in Warwick Castle.

Hours before the race and potential hangover panic set in for McCarthy, adopting the tested Kenilworth pre Hilly 100 tactic of attempting to drown himself internally through rehydration he emptied half of Draycote Reservoir into his stomach and went to bed with no pre race preparation and full of anticipation ahead of the morning challenge of trying to get Team McCarthy out of the door for 7am, something not yet accomplished.

Moving on slightly, let’s just say McCarthy awoke at 6:40 and made the start line, the chaotic ‘D-Day like’ operation that allowed this to happen is best left to the imagination but his landing craft arrived at the beach with plenty of time and he hoped to see his comrades on the other side in Kenilworth.

On the start line McCarthy was sweating up like a bottle in a £100 sterlilser (which incidentally could have just gone in the microwave, but no-one tells you that….) Doom Bar was sweating from every pore as he began to take on the colour of one of the TT riders in full leathers on the start line. When you’re feeling like an alcoholic lump, combusting on the start line, it’s always good to see the beauty and finesse of Savery alongside you, the ‘Adonis’ of Midlands running according to Simkiss. Also appearing from the bushes, together, hastily, with a smile on their faces, pulling their shorts up, were Alex ‘Bushwhacker’ Atkinson and Peter Power. Siggers appeared from nowhere to really turn the tension up, but on a serious note there were over 100 fellow Kenilworth Runners out today, fantastic.

The rabble were walked to the start line and with just enough time for Phil to pinch Kyza’s now less scantily clad arse the race was off. McCarthy only had one tactic today and that was to try and run the legs off everyone else as this heat was going to turn him into a dehydrated mess by 5 miles, so that’s what he did. In the words of ‘Pre, this had to be a ‘pure guts race.’


It was, with absolutely no success for McCarthy

Leading the race from the start to about 8k, relentless surges and efforts (ala Simkiss in Silvestones) just could not break not only Savery, but two other lads (Peter Power called it…A N Other). It was 2013 all over again and at the descent into the residential area of Kenilworth, McCarthy stepped off the 2 Castles express and yet again floundered home for a disappointing 4th (3rd in a weird category style ranking) having done all he could to break the beauty and slender stride of the beautiful Savery.


Even the chants of ‘Don’t be shit’ from Dave Ramus and ‘You are fcuking beautiful from’ a Swedish Student (one of them didn’t happen) were not enough to raise the spirit of McCarthy in the last K.


A good team win for KR, with the four ball being made up of McCarthy, Captain Page, Gould and Baby Siggers. A good 10k effort as the MCKEP duo continue to build fitness ahead of the Autumn period. Another lesson for McCarthy on the combination of fatherhood, drinking and running. Give up running.





Pos Gun Chip Name AG Club SB PB HC
1 33:26 33:24 Andrew Savery SEN M Leamington 32:52 32:27 -1.9
2 33:42 33:39 Dom Blake V35 M
3 33:44 33:37 Daniel Clarke SEN M Coventry 32:49 32:26 -1.1
4 33:52 33:50 Chris McCarthy SEN M Kenilworth Runners/Tipton 33:29 32:42 -1.6
5 34:15 34:13 Andrew Siggers SEN M Kenilworth Runners 33:02 32:44 -2.1
6 34:21 34:18 Phil Gould V35 M Kenilworth Runners/Leamington/Midland Masters 33:11 33:07 -1.1
7 34:57 34:55 Stephen Page SEN M Kenilworth Runners 34:29 34:29 0.1
8 35:04 35:02 Peter Hawkins SEN M Kenilworth Runners
9 35:23 35:20 Luke Hubbard SEN M
10 35:27 35:24 Oliver Paulin U17 M Solihull & Small Heath 34:39 34:39 0.0

2 thoughts on “WRRL: Two Castles Race Report

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