WRRL: Stratford Summer 6

Race four of the Warwickshire Road Race League took place amidst dismal conditions in the village of Wilmcote. A Saturday evening start ensured people with any hint of a social life would not be in attendance, so McCarthy and Simkiss were there with bells on, heading up the challenge from Kenilworth.

So it is that the absolutely diabolical standard of amateur road running in the UK means you can normally predict the top 3, in order, for every local road race. It didn’t look good for the duo when Phil Gould announced he had seen, ‘a whippet from Birchfield warming up with the flexibility of a gymnast, the frame of Mo Farah and the weight advantage of a small horse’. With 25 minutes to go the mental fragility of the MCKEP duo had been exposed and they had settled for a tempo effort to ensure Simkiss remained fresh ahead of the MK10K on Tuesday. Incidentally for anyone aware of the injustice that has gone on with the category rule change that has seen the stripping of the EMGP title from the MCKEP athlete, we invite you to join us for a dirty protest in the clubhouse prior to the MK10K, we urge everyone to use one extra sheet of toilet paper to show your anger at the injustice.

There was a 15 minute delay to the start of the race following rumour that a dead badger had been found on the route, but this was dispelled when local ‘King of the Banter / Sports Journalist / Model / Coventry Ambassador / Student of Aristotle’, Kyza Derby, declared it was just his chest hair which he had trimmed off as a present for Hywel Tywel. It transpired that the delay was due to a ruck in the starting pen following Tom Dable’s innocent question to Spa Striders to see if we could ‘buy one of your empty trophy cabinets because ours are all full,’ Unfortunately they were all pawned five years ago.

The race began and it was local legend Garry Payne who took out the race from the off (instantly giving McCarthy flashbacks to when they showered together after the Moreton in Marsh 10k 5 years ago, he has never been able to look at the neck of a turkey in the same way). The race winner sat at the front of quite a large pack through the opening mile before opening up a slight margin ahead of the MCKEP duo, who had also pulled away from the larger group.

Passing through 5k in 16:04 there was now a comfortable gap to the group behind and a big enough gap to the leader to ensure that although McCarthy would be on the podium, another defeat in June was guaranteed. Following his fourth place runs at the Two Castles, Banbury 5 and the Arden 9, this has to give further fuel to his claim for the Kenilworth ‘ROTM’, in what must be his most mediocre and sub standard month for some years. 12 months ago he was overlooked, having won the Harborough 5 and the Weedon 10k following his third place in the Two Castles. Instead he picked up an honourable mention, which he politely handed back with the response ‘stick it up your arse’. Surely this has to be the month?

Ed: In a last ditch act of desperation, McCarthy has requested that we make it known to the Kenilworth Committee that he has been running with a severe hernia for 6 weeks and it is likely that following his surgery in a few weeks, he may never run again.

c/o Danny Tolhurst

c/o Danny Tolhurst

As the duo passed 4 miles and came over the last climb, the race leader was already folding away his cycing shorts, leaving the McCarkiss pair to suffer a complete breakdown of communication in the last 20 yards whereby Simkiss thought he had made it clear they were going to jog it in, only for McCarthy to deploy his lethal sprint finish. In a rare and never seen in public before moment, Simkiss revealed his darker side that not many people get to see. The side McCarthy sees in training and his many animals see when he beats them with frustration at home, he called McCarthy a ‘C**t’.

Simkiss quickly apologised to the spectators, ‘excuse my french’, and he would like to unreservedly apologise on this public forum. That is…apologise to anyone that heard him as it is factually correct that McCarthy is, by his own admission, a proper C**t. Having looked this up in our ‘Key Stage 1 French’ book , we can find no trace of this actually being French anyway.

So a good solid effort for 2nd and 3rd and it transpired it was actually a 6 mile PB for Simkiss and McCarthy and much quicker for Macca following his nightmare at Rugby earlier in the year….

In honour of Kyza McCarthy celebrated with a Badger trio.

In honour of Kyza, McCarthy celebrated with a Badger trio.


1 Andrew Peat 166 00:31:18 M sen 1 Male 1 Birchfield Harriers
2 Chris Mccarthy 125 00:32:09 M sen 2 Male 2 Kenilworth Runners
3 Richard Simkiss 259 00:32:09 M sen 3 Male 3 Kenilworth Runners
4 Phillip Gould 80 00:32:29 M sen 4 Male 4 Kenilworth Runners
5 Ashley Miles 258 00:32:31 MV 40 1 Male 5 Sphinx AC
6 Oliver Paulin 162 00:32:34 M sen 5 Male 6 Solihull and Small Heath AC
7 Connor Carson 34 00:33:01 MV 40 2 Male 7 Kenilworth Runners
8 Stephen Page 160 00:33:14 M sen 6 Male 8 Kenilworth Runners
9 Amy Whitehead 271 00:33:39 FV35 1 Female 1 Knowle & Dorridge RC
10 Chris Sharp 269 00:33:48 M sen 7 Male 9 Knowle & Dorridge RC
11 Stuart Hopkins 255 00:34:19 M sen 8 Male 10 Kenilworth Runners
12 Kyza Derby 58 00:34:34 M sen 9 Male 11 Kenilworth Runners

3 thoughts on “WRRL: Stratford Summer 6

  1. Great writing look forward to your next article worth a mention at our next committee meeting, can’t guarantee you runner of the month though.

  2. Pingback: Kenilworth Runners: Institutionally Racist? | McCarkiss Elite Project

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