Simkiss outburst on eve of record attempt

Aggressive Simkiss

Aggressive Simkiss

Self timed at 26:18 – an equal time to Blisworth, despite a tougher course, PeterPower odds are looking favourable for this weeks visit to the Banbury 5. The gauntlet has been laid down for Simkiss to make an assault on the Club Record. Simkiss refuses to comment on any record attempt, knowing full well that any traceable discussion of prizes or records leads to instant disqualification from the coveted “Runner of the Month” award nominations. Since leaving the committee there has been a sharp move away from recognising achievement, something that grinds with Simkiss.

In a completely out of character (that’s the public character he portrays to the general public, not the one in doors where he is a spiteful hate filled b*stard) outburst, he has released his pent up anger at the awarding of the “Runner of the Month” award, to runners he labelled as ‘nice enough’.

He is believed to have possibly said, ‘I hold most of the club records therefore I should get it every month, I don’t bake cakes, I don’t help out at parkrun or look after Otter or Geese but f**k me I am the greatest club runner that Kenilworth has ever seen. Since I set up the Elite Project, Kenilworth have gone from strength to strength, go figure.’

The further rumour that he is to switch allegiance to ‘Almost Athletes’ of Gloucestershire has been played down by the MCKEP management team, who released an official statement saying, ‘what a f*cking stupid name’. We almost attempted to contact them for a response but we couldn’t be bothered.

Whilst at the Two Castles race, we canvassed opinion around the local running scene as to whether Simkiss could get the all important 25:58 that he needs.

Stuart Hopkins: ‘I hope he fails as if he does it the length of the shitey blog he will write will be unbearable.’

The trolley pusher at Kenilworth Waitrose: ‘Definetly’.

Andrew Savery: ‘Can you just ask him to stop writing about me on his blog thing, it is starting to become a bit weird and I may have to get a restraining order.’

Chris McCarthy: ‘I am desperate for him to fail, I may train with him and be very close friends but there is nothing better than seeing him fail. He takes ages to get over it and it impacts on his whole life. The pressure that has built up is immense and the last thing I need is for him to pull it off and bang on about it for weeks. I am pacing him though.’

Kyza Derby: ‘With an age grade rating of 83.97 and a PB of 17:21 Mark was always in with a chance for the win. Although in recent races we have seen winning Brueton averaging at 16:20….’

Michael Aldridge: ‘Who is he?’

The race starts tomorrow at 7:45 where Simkiss is to be paced through 3mile by McCarthy in 15:15. The fact there is some pacing planned sits well with McCarthy as he normally goes through 3 miles in that time before blowing up anyway, this should allow him to pretend he could have carried on yet drop out with some dignity.

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