Race Report: Coventry Half Marathon 2015

With Simkiss unavailable, McCarthy had to train with his lookalike ‘Terri-Anne Meilia‘, also known as. ‘John Tarrant’. Terri, or John, turned up at the crack of dawn to pick up McCarthy ahead of the 9am start, with the plan being to do 5 miles beforehand, the actual race at ‘Marathon Pace’ and then a couple of miles cool down, to form a solid 20 mile outing.

Having set a personal best of 1:10:30 only 5 months ago, McCarthy was somewhat concerned that trying to run slower would be difficult, but having completed two miles of the warm up, hopes of a slow race were boosted by abdominal cramps from the excessive amount of caffeine that had unnecessarily been taken, the complete lack of ‘freshness’ in the legs and the horrible wind, both inside and out. McCarthy and Terri-Anne / John decided that the cold air meant it was definitely a day for the wanker sleeves, Besides, the new 2015 MCKEP Official Vest was being launched today so they were going to look like prize tits anyway, this would just further cement peoples opinion as to what a couple of bell-ends these two are. Still, they look great and as long as they keep telling each other that, that’s all that matters.

Arriving back to the Elite holding pen, a cafe, to find it overrun by people who could probably only manage around 1:16:37, McCarthy and Terri-Anne / John hid in the disabled toilet to change and lube up. Unable to concentrate and focus due to the fact the door was constantly being knocked on and kicked, the pair were appalled by how runners really will go anywhere before the start of a race with not a second though for anyone else. With 5 minutes to go until the start, the duo escaped the toilet and ashamedly walked past the queue at the door of 26 wheelchair users who had come to support the race and thank the charity runners, their care home being one of the main benefactors of the thousands raised by the run. Anyway, MCKEP made their way to the start line and were ready to start,

The race began, but nobody realised. Three or four seconds later the field set off and McCarthy and Terri-Anne / John slowly fell through the field, confident that their target time of ‘slower than PB’ would be achievable if they could get stuck within the masses from the off. After 5k the pair were ticking over at 5:43’s, comfy pace for 75 minutes and a Sub 2:30 MP, when all of a sudden it got extremely hard, this could not have gone more to plan. The hills came one after another and the wind battered the duo at every turn, somehow. This was going to be even harder than they could have asked for, the pace was fading and the legs were suffering now as well, this was exactly what was required, to run a comfortable 75 would have been far too predictable, instead after 10k the pair were completely demoralised and demotivated, fantastic.

The 8th mile registered at 6:30, possibly the slowest lap that McCarthy or Terri-Anne / John have clocked in a race for 4 or 5 years, they were now inexplicably suffering and it looked like 75 was now completely unachievable. With a bit of luck they could even break 77 and McCarthy could add on a staggering 6 and a half minutes to his time set just a few months ago, the work the pair have been doing in the laboratory at Loughborough was really showing its worth.

Ten mile, 58 something, the pair were now almost in hysterics at how well they have managed to decline in such a short space of time, this was the sort of stuff dreams were made of, not only was it slower than planned MP but it hurt more in a race of half the distance, you can rarely recreate race day conditions so well in training. At mile 12, Terri-Anne / John, pulled out of the race, opting to take a short cut through a Coventry shopping arcade, leaving McCarthy, who had by this point aggravated his hip to the point where he was semi hobbling, to finish the last mile (with their fastest mile split, oddly) alone.

On reflection, the race could not have gone any worse or been any more demoralising or damaging, both physically and mentally. This was exactly what the plan was at this stage of the marathon training schedule though, so that’s great.

Finished: 1:16:37 

Split Summary
1) 1m – 5:44(5:44/m) 168/187bpm 118cal 4.68/5.37/hr
2) 1m – 5:46(5:46/m) 157/160bpm 109cal 4.65/5.39/hr
3) 1m – 5:41(5:41/m) 156/164bpm 107cal 4.72/5.01/hr
4) 1m – 5:53(5:53/m) 155/159bpm 104cal 4.56/4.82/hr
5) 1m – 5:46(5:46/m) 156/160bpm 106cal 4.65/5.04/hr
6) 1m – 6:08(6:08/m) 173/198bpm 117cal 4.37/4.68/hr
7) 1m – 5:53(5:53/m) 140/161bpm 121cal 4.56/4.94/hr
8) 1m – 6:30(6:30/m) 154/160bpm 113cal 4.12/4.91/hr
9) 1m – 5:31(5:31/m) 151/154bpm 91cal 4.86/5.04/hr
10) 1m – 5:58(5:58/m) 148/156bpm 107cal 4.5/4.96/hr
11) 1m – 6:03(6:03/m) 149/153bpm 100cal 4.43/4.6/hr
12) 1m – 5:41(5:41/m) 150/161bpm 114cal 4.72/5.25/hr
13) 1m – 5:19(5:19/m) 135/142bpm 111cal 5.05/5.51/hr
14) 0.15m – 44(4:57/m) 131/131bpm 17cal 5.42/5.33/hr


(55) – Terri Anne / John with (5) McCarthy, very close to the start and clearly aware of the camera due to the false form. Note what a good lookalike for Simkiss she is, Simkiss definitely didn’t run.


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