As the England team selection for the Commonwealth Games marathon was made, the surprise inclusion of a former fatty was on everybody’s lips. To our surprise, Neil Black (UKA Performance Director, who is actually just a physio but must have something over one of the big wigs at UKA for him to have been given the job) has completely overlooked the 2:43 ‘beer in t’hand’ performances of our MCKEP duo in favour of Steve Way of Bournemouth AC.
The former fatty ditched his ways over 7 years ago and has flown through the UK rankings, finishing as 3rd Brit behind Farah and Thompson. Simkiss and McCarthy, also former fatty’s and now just a little bit fat, have not ditched their cholesterol laden ways but have also flown through the UK rankings with McCarthy currently first on the 2014 12k rankings and 4th on the 9 mile rankings, whilst Simkiss finished first in the ‘shorter than 10k, 10k XC’ 2013 rankings following his win at the Welcombe Wobbler last year.
The reporting of this selection error has been a closely guarded secret and was under a superinjuction which restricted media publication, due to a legal battle over the strap line that Steve Way has been using on his merchandise. The McCarkissElite legal department have attempted to sue the charity that is profiting from clothing bearing the logo. ‘#dontbeshit – The Way of Steve’. A whole £4 from every purchase goes to ‘Julia’s House’, a children’s hospice in Dorset. Straight away the MCKEP legal team swooped on the house and delivered court papers that enforced the removal of all toys, books and bedding from the home. The application permitted the MCKEP legal team to remove the seats from the swings in the play area and to put down an anti slip coating on the playground slide to stop it being quite as ‘slidey’. Dummies were pulled from the mouths of babies and any ‘Crocs’ that were in a children’s size were melted in a mass bonfire on the front lawn. This had nothing to do with the matter, they are just really awful shoes. Seriously. Burn them.
The hospice manager would probably have said, ‘It’s a disgrace, these poorly young children are having their only bit of happiness taken away from them because of three former fat guys. It’s like a really sickening 2014 remake of ‘Three Men and a Baby’, but the men used to be fat and the baby isn’t a baby it’s a lot of children with illnesses. ‘Three Former Fat Men and a Lot of Poorly Children’, they should call it.
The MCKEP legal team refused to comment on the matter, saying, ‘Road running and charity work is a cut throat business. You look how much they charge for a place at the marathon. If you want to tread on our intellectual property then your children will bear the brunt of your actions.’ When asked about the odd similarity between the MCKEP logo and the Nike Oregon Project logo, the MCKEP legal department hung up the phone and ran for the hills.
On a serious note, T-Shirts can be bought here and the money is for a great charity. Now they are MCKEP endorsed they are probably worth even more. Good luck to friend of the MCKEP project Steve Way in the upcoming Commonwealth Marathon. To coin the saying correctly, (in its original format from circa 2001, we won’t let this one go…) Run hard and don’t be sh*t.