McCarthy, 29 and out.

Following an injury free year for McCarthy, the first one in 5 years, the MCKEP legal team have lifted a super injunction that has been in place to ban reporting of an ongoing crisis in the MCKEP camp. After a photo was leaked of McCarthy leaving a local hospital, seemingly blacked up and dressed as a woman, we had no option but to go public.


An official statement read: “We can confirm that the recently crowned number one athlete within our elite training programme that has never done anything elite, apart from get a free night in a hotel, has finally achieved an elite standard in something and sustained a proper injury. 5 months ago McCarthy underwent an exploratory investigation for an inguinal hernia, he didn’t have one, 3 months later he was diagnosed with a cam femoral acetubular impimgement, known as FAI.


Amazingly, he has spent the last two months decimating all previous MCKEP and personal records whilst in severe pain. An achievement made possible only due to a dangerous cocktail of Co-Codamol and Gin as suggested by the MCKEP chairman. In doing so he found himself surpassing everything Simkiss has achieved, whilst fit and healthy. We thought we could hold him together long enough to win just one runner of the month award, but sadly not, it may be 2016 before he pulls on a Kenilworth vest again, if he ever does, we hope Siggers is proud of himself”.

The MCKEP medical team also confirmed McCarthy will undergo an initial treatment next week in a bid to stave off being the first person in his twenties to have a hip replacement.

Training Partner, Richard Simkiss added a moving tribute for the friend that has taught him so much, whom he affectionately calls ‘Snuggles’. “It’s a shame to see his running career end in such a bitter way but his last performance at the Nationals was extremely fitting and I will cherish the years we trained together.”

Messages of support poured in from around the globe;

Tony McCarthy: Stop moaning, I’ve just run a 39 minute 10k, 3 months after cancer treatment. I’m doing a half marathon at the weekend! Sponsor me here by the way

Kyza Derby: I’m glad I put my differences with Simkiss behind me and I can now step in and create DerKiss Elite.

Peter Bryan: Thank god he wont be rejoining the club.

Phil Gould: Any spare shorts going?

Claire Goult: Can I have his vest top?

Hywel Davies: He was one of the most naturally talented runners I’ve never seen.

The man that runs the corner shop in Clifton, Bristol: Does this mean he will be coming back and buying four cans of red stripe off me every night again?

The man that runs the corner shop in Rugby: I hope not.

MCKEP Surgeon: This is all very dramatic.

Stuart Hopkins: Fuck off, 29, b0llocks.

One thought on “McCarthy, 29 and out.

  1. McCarthy was one of the most naturally talented athletes I’d ever seen and was starting to bleed me dry of well dones.

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