Kenilworth Runners: Institutionally Racist?

News has emerged that whilst at the 2014 Inter Club race on the 9th July, an individual who wished to remain anonymous contacted the MCKEP media team to inform them of a culture of institutional racism within the Kenilworth Runners Committee.

The anonymous tipster Mick Williams  said that the committee which met last week to choose the ‘Runner of the Month’ award has a Southern Bias, akin to that of the English media that used to claim Lampard was better than Gerrard. He said, ‘they hate Northerners so it was always going to be Simkiss that won, even though as you said on your website McCarthy had a better comparable June last year and still only got an honourable mention. They sit around denouncing anything Northern. Just last week they had a bonfire to burn 5 whippets, 10 Uncle Joe’s mint balls, a map of Yorkshire, a flat cap, a Beatles LP and a Homing Pigeon.’

The Kenilworth Committee sit to decide the ROTM

The Kenilworth Committee sit to decide the ROTM

Rumour that a Northern prejudice had swept through the club has been rife since McCarthy joined from Tipton Harriers nearly three years ago, a move he has regretted ever since due to the constant racist taunts he suffers at every club race. At the last 12 stage he may have possibly been spat on by Paddy Roddy, the textbook recruit that Kenilworth hope to  build their future on. Paddy was unavailable for comment as he was on an Orienteering trip with the local Scout group, burning effigies of Craig Charles, one of the North’s most successful stars. The spitting incident was covered up when McCarthy was paid off with a portion of chips with gravy and curry sauce.

McCarthy may have said, ‘I knew it, I couldn’t be this f**king good and get no recognition without it being someone else’s fault, it’s clearly because of the colour of my skin.’

Chairman Pete was unavailable for comment as he was recovering from the Kenilworth swingers party that he threw in celebration of leading the inter-club race for 15 yards. To rub salt into the wounds, the party had a Southern theme and one party go-er said, ‘ It was great, proper Saaaatttthhh. We drank flat beer, talked about our favourite tube journeys and discussed the Krays. We did some ducking and diving, drank Cappuccino and reminisced about the Home Counties.’ The star of the party was ‘working class Tory’, Jeremy Wright, MP for Kenilworth.

McCarthy has withdrawn from the Northbrook 10k, opting to go back t’up t’north to be with his own people in a place where he is made to feel welcome. Even the ‘ego massaging’ style of the new club captain may not be enough this time. Never before seen images of McCarthy have emerged (not as a fat prick…we’ve seen them) in a Spa Striders vest, prompting rumour he is off to lead Spa Striders to victory in the 2015 inter club race. Speaking of which, Peter Power has given shorter odds on Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville forming a two man act in Somalia to build a children’s hospital.

McCarthy checking with McDonald's opens so he can upgrade his tummy tyre

McCarthy checking when McDonald’s opens so he can upgrade his tummy tyre

Chubber McCarthy, Spa Strider or Mars Bar Strider?

Chubber McCarthy, Spa Strider or Mars Bar Strider?

Kenilworth Runners sternly deny that they are institutionally racist, claiming that their best friend is from Kendal. Club spokesman, Southington Sodbury said, ‘Northerners’ aren’t a race so how can it be racism?’.

Leave a Reply